Things Narcissist Parents Say
By Joanne O’Sullivan
Things Narcissists Say
Below is a list of things a narcissist might say to anyone – Friends, Family or even their own Children.
“After all the money I have lent you”
To change the subject of the argument, this is to make you feel guilty and put the ball back in their court. How can you argue with this wonderful person who lends you money. When in this situation, remember what the original argument was about and do not get side tracked from it. Say “No, you’re going off the point now, I’m talking about….”
“After everything I have done for you”
Again, if the narcissist feels like they are losing the argument they will change the subject to a time when you needed them… “After all I have done for you, when you needed a place to stay, when you needed a lift, when you needed that favour” This will be completely off the subject but if you let them you will end up arguing about it and ultimately apologising for your disrespectful behaviour.
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“You don’t RESPECT me”
This is a very common one, narcissist’s think they deserve respect regardless to how they behave. If you answer them back, If you don’t do as your told, If you look at them the wrong way, If you are disrespectful! A narcissist will even start an argument and when you try and defend yourself they will always throw in the ‘RESPECT’ card. Just remember, nobody can demand respect, respect has to be earned!
“You never say thank you / They never say thank you”
Chances are you say thank you all the time, more so than most people. The thing is narcissist’s expect recognition for everything they do, and I mean everything. Don’t think for one minute that they are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. You had better say “Thank You” – or else!
“You will regret doing/saying that one day”
Another guilt trip, you probably didn’t say anything bad at all. Just remember though, unless they are talking about murder, bank robbery or drinking a bottle of vodka a day, chances are you WON’T regret doing it one day.
“You will be sorry once I am gone”
This is an awful guilt trip, often used on siblings to get in the final word. If the narcissist is losing the argument or feels like they are backed into a corner (usually from their own doing) they will go to any length to get out of it. Reminding you of the fact that one day they will die and you will remember all the horrible things you did to them. These tactics are often used on young siblings, that is when they have the most impact and are the most upsetting. I mean why would any normal person want to say that to a 13 year old!
“Stop being so serious / You can’t take a joke”
Usually when a narcissist has insulted you and you have taken offence, NO it really wasn’t meant as a joke, it was meant to hurt your feelings, but when you get upset about it you can’t take a joke. It is actually narcissist’s who can’t take a joke. When it happens, bite your tongue, do not give them the satisfaction of letting them know you are bothered. After all, an argument is what they are really after!
“What will people say? / What will people think?”
Most narcissist’s are obsessed with the image they portray of themselves and their family to other people. As a narcissist’s child you had better watch what you say or do that could tarnish that image! This is called ‘False Self’. The real narcissist (how you know them), and the ‘False Self’ (how everyone else knows them). Because everyone thinks this person is kind, loving and caring and takes such good care of their children whenever you try to say otherwise nobody believes you!
“You can’t do that… You can’t wear that… Because I said so… That’s why”
Narcissist’s are very controlling. Whenever questioned as to why you can’t do what they are telling you you can’t do, you will get answers like “Because I said so”, “That’s Why”,”Because I’m the Mother!” Normal people will give reasons why they are not allowing you to do something, but when the reason is to enforce power or be awkward, these are the answers you can get. Try using reverse psychology, if you want to wear the red coat, say you want to wear the white one. If you want them to visit on Saturday say, “you can come round any day except Saturday” chances are on Saturday they will be knocking on your door.
“This is my house”
This is simply showing you who is boss! You might be their child, and live in the house but let’s make it clear, this is not your house. “Do you pay the mortgage, the bills, the phone bill, TV licence, Council tax? NO! So this is my house, when you do you can call it your house!” But mum, I’m only 11 years old.
“They’re just jealous”
Narcissist’s are very jealous people, they are jealous of people who are better looking, people with more money, better car, better house. So in turn they think everyone else is like them… Not true, most people couldn’t care less and are happy for other peoples hard work or good fortune. They certainly aren’t jealous of that overpriced £800 ring you just purchased from the jewellery channel.
“Have you seen what he/she is wearing”
Picking fault with other people is a good way to make the narcissist feel better about themselves, snide remarks about peoples clothes, makeup, weight etc… Chances are you’re no oil painting yourself you know!
“I’ve got a headache too, I had a terrible night too, I’ve got a sore throat too”
You can never be ill when a narcissist is around, they will always be far worse. If you have a cold, they have the flu, you have a headache, they have a migraine, you have a sore throat, they have tonsillitis. God only knows what would happen if you chopped your arm off!
“Have you seen how dirty their house is”
Chances are the narcissist’s house will be spotless, not a spec of dirt anywhere, show home standard. They probably even have a cleaning day, yes that’s right a whole day where they will clean their house from top to bottom every week. How can you compete with that, no wonder your house isn’t up to scratch. But come on, would you really want to be that sad!
“I love you, but I don’t like you right now”
This is a narcissist’s way of saying “you have got some making up to do”, you had better be on your best behaviour and not be disrespectful, and don’t forget that all important apology. Maybe in a week or so the house will get back to normal, well until the next tantrum anyway!
“I love you more than you could know / I love you so much”
“What?” I hear you say, “Do narcissist’s really say those words”, well yes of cause they do… When they are lying or drunk! A narcissist will often mimic other peoples emotions, love is one of them, as they do not feel love it would most certainly be a lie, so these words are very difficult for them to say. They do come out a lot easier when they have had a few sherbets though.
“It’s not as good / nice / tasty / expensive as mine”
That new ring you have purchased, painting in the sitting room, Sunday dinner you have slaved over all morning… “Yes it was lovely, but I prefer the one I did a few weeks ago” Wow, look at that, a compliment and insult in the same sentence!
“Have you seen my new coat / ring / dress… It cost this much!”
We all know these people “Do you like my new dress for so and so’s wedding, It was £500 you know, I had the personal shopper at the store help me pick it out”. Narcissist’s think as they think, that you will be jealous and envious of them, the truth is no one likes a bragger, to get right up their nose say something like “oh yes that’s lovely, but I don’t think that colour suits your skin tone”.
“I have just paid for that for you / bought you your dinner”
Narcissist’s will always throw situations where they paid for something back in your face, and they NEVER forget. A dinner date, birthday lunch, some food shopping because you are short that month. The truth is they don’t do it to be kind as any parent would, they do it because it gives them ammunition for the next argument. My advise is NEVER, EVER lend or accept money as a gift from a narcissist, they will always have a hold on you and will ALWAYS use it against you in future disputes!
“They are just copying off me”
Narcissist’s can be very petty and they really do think that people copy off them. The new dress the lady down the street was wearing is the same as theirs… They must have copied. Or maybe they just went into the same store!
“Just say if you don’t want me to visit, I won’t mind”
This is a good way for the narcissist to reinforce the fact that they are invited to your home. The truth is, they will mind, they will mind a lot. Think very carefully before you say “I am very busy, I would prefer it if you came round tomorrow” This will not go down well and could result in a weeks worth of sulking!
“I’m not inviting them… they aren’t family!”
This for me was always one I could never understand, a close niece, or a ‘special’ friend of the narcissist’s for some reason might be alone on Christmas day or any other special occasion could just be cast aside and not invited because it’s ‘Family Only’. Just goes to show the narcissist has no empathy for others, even the people most close to them!
“I don’t deserve this / I don’t need this right now”
Chances are the narcissist has sparked up yet another petty argument, when you retaliate they turn it round by saying “I don’t deserve this” etc.. This is just another tactic to make you feel guilty and apologise yet again for something you haven’t done.
“Don’t speak to me like that”
Generally this is because you have retaliated to something they said to you first, well it works both ways. Don’t speak to me like that and I won’t speak to you like that back!
“It’s not what you say, it’s the tone of your voice”
This is a form of projection, it is actually narcissist’s that use voice tone to change the way things were said, they can make something you said sound as horrible as they want by changing the tone of their voice. This can be very frustrating when they are telling on you to your enabling father, making it sound 20 times worse than it really was. Oh here we go again, looks like I’m going to owe her another apology!
“She is not just my friend, she’s my special friend, we’re more like sisters”
Narcissist’s will only have a few friends, or maybe only one, but that friend will be a special friend, one that is like a sister. That way the narcissist can make her friend more important than yours. “Oh so and so might be your friend but bla bla is a special friend” Ultimately making your friend seem less important than hers.
“Oh I can’t remember, it was a long time ago / I’ve had a few sleeps since then”
Narcissist’s are like elephants, they NEVER forget. So to be told “I can’t remember” will be an out and out lie. Chances are you have asked them for their advise and as they will get nothing in return they are not willing to tell you or you have brought up something from the past that touches a nerve, it is easier for them to tell you they have forgotten than to have to explain their actions.
“They aren’t really ill, they are just putting it on”
Narcissist’s will never have sympathy for anyone, they just don’t have them emotions. Anyone who is ill, and has a day off work will be faking. When the shoe is on the other foot though the narcissist wants all the sympathy in the world. If you want to stay in their good books you had better ask them how they are doing, maybe a get well soon card will help!
“It’s not my fault”
Narcissist’s will never admit anything was their fault, even when they are backed into a corner they will say something like “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, but it wasn’t meant to come across like that, it’s not my fault, your just over-sensitive”. The truth is, it probably was their fault, the easiest thing and the thing that will bother them the most is if you do not react, the reaction is what they are after.
“I swear on your life that’s how it happened”
This is generally a way of reinforcing a lie, most normal people would never swear on their children’s lives if something is not true, if at all. Not a narcissist though, swearing on peoples lives is the ultimate way to say “see, what I told you is true, it has to be I swore on your lives” This to me is a very disturbing act!
“I think you have made that up”
Ultimately this is the same as calling you a liar to your face. It is very annoying when someone tells you you are making something up when it is true, if you were a narcissist you would just swear on someone’s life, but as you don’t have that luxury you spend countless hours trying to explain why what you are saying is true. narcissist’s are by nature lairs, really good ones at that, but by projecting this onto you they are making you sound like the unstable one for making up stories!
“You have got such a good imagination / stop exaggerating”
Again something narcissist’s are very good at is making you sound crazy, narcissist’s can twist things into something they are not and make you believe it is all in your mind. This is called ‘gaslighting’ and can be very damaging and destructive abuse.
“I can’t remember doing/saying that”
Narcissist’s are very good at not facing up to something that was their fault, once confronted it can be very frustrating when they deny all knowledge it ever happened. Just remember, they remembered the £20 worth of shopping they bought you last year so chances are they remember saying that!
“I’m never wrong”
Come on, no one is ‘Never Wrong’, that saying just speaks for itself!
“What are you getting upset for”
The narcissist has just insulted you yet again with some snide remark, narcissist’s are emotional vampires and will try to upset you every chance they get. By asking you “What are you getting upset for” they are making the matter trivial, which it probably isn’t.
“Act your age”
This is another form of projection, usually it is the narcissist that is immature but by telling you to act your age it ‘projects’ it onto you. They will have you thinking ‘how did they turn that on to me’, very clever I know!
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