6 Secrets Every Loving Couple Knows


By Yvonne Holterman

Discover the Secret Every Loving Couple Knows

You can all have the deep, passionate, rewarding love you long for. All you need to do is what every woman and man in a successful relationship has done.  When two people decide their relationship is more important than anything else.

The secret of intense love over the long term, are physical affection behaviors such as hugging and kissing. Oxytocin, sometimes called the “cuddle hormone,” goes coursing through our bodies when we receive hugs or make love. We then feel closer to our partner and long-term bonding ensues.

Decades of psychological research shows that social connection is a fundamental human need and essential for our physical and mental well-being. Affection is such an important element of love that the couples in the study who did not report any physical affection also reported a loveless relationship.

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Physical affection is so powerful that, even if a relationship doesn’t always seem perfect (and what relationship always does?), it may help make up for the negatives. Certain couples, for example, reported low marital satisfaction due, presumably, to some of the common challenges couples face (e.g. differences in parenting styles, financial stress, divisions of responsibility). However, if their levels of physical affection remained high, the couple still reported intense love.

Certainly no relationship is perfect, but many are happy. There are difficulties in happy marriages, but there is also an enduring sense of ‘us’, not just ‘you and me’. If both of you heed these strategies, who knows – maybe in fifty years you’ll be telling me about all the health, psychological benefits, and happiness you enjoyed.


Keeping your relationship expectations realistic – As wonderful as it is to be romantic and see the best in your partner, you need to be able to except some imperfections over the years with your partner. For a relationship to last you need to see beyond personal failings and imperfections.

Don’t be on the defensive continually – Being overly defensive is another major predictor of future relationship breakdown. If one partner begins yelling as soon as the other broaches a subject and behaves as though they’re being threatened or attacked, and this is a continuing and repeated feature of the couple’s interactions, then the relationship is in crisis. Being defensive prevents communication and severs intimacy.

Try compliment instead of criticize – Critical partners risk irreparable damage to their relationship. This doesn’t mean you should never complain if your spouse upsets you, but a simple compliment is much less damaging that criticism. Some people believe they are trying to ‘improve’ their partners by constantly pointing out their faults. Even if the intention is good, the consequences are not. Public criticism is humiliating.

Emotionally withdrawing or stonewalling – ‘closing your ears’ or ‘shutting off’ when your partner complains is another huge breakdown predictor. Men are more likely to stonewall, whilst their wives were generally more critical. Male biology is less able to cope with strong emotion, so men may instinctively use stonewalling in an attempt to avoid entering arguments or becoming highly aroused. The partner may ‘switch off’ to withdraw during conversations or ultimately ‘escape’ by spending more and more time away from the relationship. Everyone needs space, but never responding to emotional issues leaves the other partner out in the cold.

People in happy relationships communicate well, which leaves them feeling appreciated, loved, and respected. Spend more time reminding your partner of their talents, strengths, and what you love and like about them. No one likes to feel they are under constant attack.

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Scientific American
Pick the brain

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This article is free and open source. You have permission to republish this article under a Creative Commons license with attribution to the author and Enlightened Consciousness, all hyperlinks within the article must remain intact.

Yvonne Holterman

YVONNE HOLTERMAN has always been curious of the world around me. She takes people’s interest at heart. From an early age she developed psychic abilities, but likes to class herself as a guidance councilor. Her motto is: what doesn’t kill you makes you strong! More PostsWebsite – Facebook

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